literature

how to be frantic

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xfuture-boundx's avatar
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Literature Text

it was always easy.
my mouth was a filter,
nothing went through unless it sounded like
"i'm fine"

but you look in my
kaleidoscope eyes
and make sense of the fractures inside,
see past every mirage and camouflaged sigh
revised and fabricated into every smile
of every lie

and when i give vague answers
they sound like soliloquies to you
like i'm pouring out my heart into your hands and
coughing up broken glass from all the bottles i corked
and buried with my feelings (they're shattering)
(my heart's a sandbox and
you'd only have to dig once to find something,
three year's worth of something hidden and disregarded
as nothing).

i expected you to disregard me as nothing
//that six foot hole was intended for me,
i was going to join all my loose thoughts in the sandbox-boneyard but
i guess you're not going to let that be an option for me//

i'd say don't leave
but i know you will
(say what you want, words are words are words
and you are you
but you are like the rest of them,
you're just good at pretending
pretending you're not
no you're not 
you're not like them
you're not them
you're different
you understand
please don't be like them
please be different
i don't want to want to forget you
i don't want to need to forget you
i don't want you to forget me
don't leave please
don't
l eav e)

march 5, 2017
i used to be secure in knowing this couldn't apply to you but of course i found a way to mess that up too. i'm sorry i don't know how to stop thinking i know you think overthinking is stupid and believe me, i hate it just as much as you
(if i could turn it off i swear i would).

alternative title: panic's expectations to mirror past
© 2017 - 2024 xfuture-boundx
Comments13
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echo-bloom's avatar
I relate to this so much
I
Wow
Thank you xx <3
This is beautiful